2023, Performance with Langga Petz
photo by Malik Aghazy Rahaji

​Is the body a text to be edited and revised at any time? If the body is hypnotized, where is the possibility of waking up?
 What is obscured, what is marginalized and hidden from view when she is in astonishment?

Why do we ignore his reasoning so many times?
Even though he was speaking in our native language, our dialect.
Why do we think that is an excuse?
We always blame Him for eating late, but simply ignore the fact that He worked the night shift. He got off work around four in the morning, sometimes even six. Then He finds restaurants on the street that are open all night and eats His dinner or eats the huge amount of food His mom prepared for Him because she could't stand to see Him work so hard. After eating, the body quickly falls asleep from extreme exhaustion.
We say, "It's not healthy to eat so late."
We compare His face with a picture of Him as a child and say "che che che". We explain to everyone who describes Him as "fat" that He was really skinny and handsome when He was younger. It's as if we are ashamed of the way He looks now.
It was as if He was also extremely nostalgic for His thin self, so He got a new job and became a TIKTOK live streamer. He would turn on the filter when He went to work, and the powerful filter function restored Him to the way He looked when He was thin. Now, He live-streamed to His cell phone for eight hours a day, and during those eight hours He would look at His thin face. There are times when His arms appear in front of the camera and I would worry that someone would say He was using a thin face filter. But fortunately, it seems no viewers have noticed so far. Or maybe the kind viewers know He has a filter on but still like Him and want to talk to Him.

2023年八月中旬，我再次从德国回家。时隔两年，重庆仿佛如一个正值青春期的少年，一刻也不停歇地成长。无数的高楼大厦林立在山坡上，人似乎越来越渺小。再见许多好友故人，大家都纷纷变得瘦了。仅仅两年的时间，到底是发生了什么，让那些在身体中留守了十余年的顽固脂肪被赶出了体外。路上的行人看起来都是类似的偏廋体型，统计数据上的超重者在人群中销声匿迹。所有的人都在谈论抖音，想要成为抖音上的网红。当他们在观看和向往的时候，他们接收到了什么信息？
我的母亲随后便和我到了欧洲旅游，在欧洲的大街上她时不时吸气惊叹，仅仅是因为她看到了那些身材肥胖的人。她无意识而发出的惊叹再次证实了肥胖人群在她的现实中的不可见。我试图去寻找这些人消失和转变的原因。